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I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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