well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
