i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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