i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
