So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
