Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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