if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I didn't notice because vodka
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
