There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
