The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
