when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
