I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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