all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
