Is it normal to miss your booty call?
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
