I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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