Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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