On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
you win again, gameday.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
