im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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