OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
