Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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