I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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