we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
