My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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