i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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