I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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