My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
