my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
What a dumb baby whore.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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