I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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