there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
