my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
