this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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