You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize