Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
