ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Randomize
