I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize