Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
