she was so not down for the gang bang
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize