when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
