Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize
