dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
