is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
