You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
