I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
