Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
