I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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