there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
he told me I talked like a deaf person
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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