i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
