I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
