8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Randomize
