She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
