"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Randomize
