So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
