Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
