I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I forget how to act sober
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