I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
