that's an acceptable place to lick
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
