we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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