I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
