I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
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