So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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