I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
