You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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