why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
