I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
