the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
