I'm pants shitting drunk right now
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
