Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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