She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
