party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
