Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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