Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
your like the ambassador to my penis.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
