would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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