Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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