My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
i now understand why vodka
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
